There Isn’t an App for That and This is Terribly Disappointing

Clearly, technology is the solution to all of our problems, even the ones created by technology. Since I have a few things going on (and the attention span of a field mouse), I am here to share with you my app ideas and forgo my internet multi-millions.

Tune-In

Choose a specific user and hear what they are listening to at that moment. Someone becomes your unintentional DJ.

Update: I’ve been told this feature exists in Spotify, and Rdio users can check out Eavesdrop.io. Inventing things that already exist must surely be a sign of my skills in prediction.

Via Bar

A browser plugin that keeps track of the referring page for each tab. If it was a tweet, it shows the tweet.

Trader Joe’s Priority Access

A membership program that lets you cut to the front of the line at Trader Joe’s. Like early seating on a flight, but with trail mix and fried mac-and-cheese bites.

Geographic Twitter Mute

Make a region go black. Like when their team is in the Super Bowl. Or whatever.

Collins O’Clock

An officially-sanctioned Phil Collins alarm clock.

Dish

A delivery app that sorts results by the quality of individual dishes, not the whole restaurant. It’s delivery. I’m only ordering one thing.

Simpson-ese

A complete, searchable, linkable index of 5-second Simpsons clips, so we can link to things to communicate. We might finally be able to drop this whole fussy “English” thing.

Muted

A GitHub respository of publicly updatable, forkable words and hashtags to mute on Twitter.

T to A

Browser plugin that finds each instance of the word “troll” and replaces it with “asshole.”

Bubblegum Gif

A shop that sells blind packs (like baseball cards) of linticular versions of animated gifs. Dancing Baby would be the Honus Wagner.

UnInstagram

A set of Photoshop actions to reverse engineer Instagram filters, getting them back to their original state. You know, just in case we regret it all in six years, when all the babies from 2010-2014 look jaundiced and blurry.